A few years back, before I met my husband, I used to blog on my Myspace page (back when myspace was cool) about being single and the dating world. My previous post reminded me to dig up some old stories and share them with you. Reading through them now made me laugh, so hopefully you’ll enjoy them as much as I did. Here’s the first of many old blogs soon to be resurfacing in here. This one in particular is called “My Issues With Love.”
Alright! Enough already! For some reason people feel the need to ask me if I’m single and when I say yes, they proceed with why? They can’t seem to understand why no one has managed to catch me (I promise, its their exact words! Others say I’m way too attractive to not have a boyfriend – which is even worse). It’s really bugging the heck out of me so let me straighten this shit out right now. I am single by choice. I’ve had serious relationships in the past, so it’s not like I have commitment issues, at least none that I know of. My last relationship ended over three years ago and I’ve been loving singledom ever since. Now, now. Don’t think for a moment that I’ve not had any dates or seen men for the last three years. I’m not that Catholic. Let me just break it down for you. I have a fear of getting my heart broken, not to be confused with “commitment phobia.” I don’t want to suffer another heartbreak. My first and hopefully last one was three years ago. That was enough! So in an effort to protect my heart, I hid behind my friends. I made them my world. They became my boyfriend. Another attempt was by being picky. I’d go on first dates, and I’d find something wrong with them, anything at all, just to convince myself not to go on a second date. And for those who managed to make it past the first dates, most did not make it to third, and the rest of the few who did, well, they had no idea what was coming! See, I’ve already set them up for failure. They never even had a chance. All I was doing was waiting around for them to fuck up so I could say to myself, “Self, you were right. This one was just another disappointment.” See, when you anticipate for failure, you’re preparing yourself for future disappointments. I like to sabotage things. I’m very good at it. I’m sure someday I’ll look back at this time in my life and regret that I missed out on a few good men! I have a wall, a thick ass wall in front of me. My heart is heavily guarded. It will take an army to take that shit down! It’s my defense mechanism. And then there’s the issue of my getting bored easily. I have a short attention span problem. Even if a guy can keep me intrigued for a couple of weeks, it starts to dwindle down shortly thereafter. So he must have his best game on when it comes to dealing with me. Not to mention all the bad guys out there who are only out for one thing. Quality has seemed to disappear from their genetic makeup. Sometimes I wonder if there’s a way to alter men genetically and turn them into princes rather than the frogs that they are. So even if I meet the perfect guy for me, the bad guys before him fucked it up already. He has to pay for their mistakes, which I know is unfair but true nonetheless. I just hope that he will fight for me and would not give up easily. Of course, my reasons will not be complete without my high expectations issues. I expect too much, so much that I think they are far beyond anyone’s reach. I am however, working on this one. I’m starting to understand that compromising doesn’t necessarily mean settling. But somehow I still have this thought that if I’m a complete package, shouldn’t I look for the same? The nice guys bore me and the bad guys annoy me. Surely there’s a guy out there looking for “a girl in the streets and a freak in the sheets.” I’ve got beauty, brains and wit. So why can’t I have it all? The romance, the passion, fire and explosion? The flowers, candy, wild sex and crazy love? I want chivalry, as well as naughtiness. I want a guy who can melt my heart away while he gets me hot and bothered. He can’t just be one or the other, that’s not going to turn me on. I need all the combination. Sweet and sour. Naughty and nice. Popcorn and raisinets. Texas Pete and eggs. Sweet tea and lemonade. Is that really too much to ask for?
